a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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