hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
