He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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