hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it hurts more in the daytime
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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