i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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