I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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