she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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