Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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