: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
