My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
