He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How naked do you want me to be?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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