If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
