The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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