Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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