i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
