The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
