My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
