You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
