Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
