Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
