Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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