You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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