If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
