Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
