pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
