How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
