why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
