I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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