he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
