I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
