There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
