just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
