Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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