you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
