South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
