wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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