This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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