Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just invented taco cereal.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
