Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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