i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
