i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
