he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
