Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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