he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
