Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
