And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I just put wine in my tea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
