After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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