I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
