I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
