I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
try to milk me bitch
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