He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
