His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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