I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
