It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
